Customer Service

Just in from the local likker locker (Alliteration Я Us) where the following transpired...

20-Sumthin' Cashier:  Hello!
YrHmblScrb:  Hiya!  Where are yer single malts?
20-SC:  Right here. (Takes me to the beer cooler and points out the Country Club, Schlitz Malt Liquor, etc.)
YrHmblScrb:  Ummm... no.  Whiskeys.
20-SC:  (Leads me to the bourbon rack.)  Here.
YrHmblScrb:  Ummm, no, again.  Scotch.
20-SC:  Oh.  Here.  (Shelving full of Johnny Walker, Cutty, Chivas, etc., and five lonely single-malt brands, none of which are older than 12) 
20-SC:  I've never had Scotch... izzit good?
YrHmblScrb:  Would I be buyin' it if it wasn't?

Sigh.  One of the downsides of small-town livin', I suppose.  Just as an aside: the Cannon Class VI is no better, if not worse, as far as selection goes.  I see internet liquor purchases in my near future, even tho I managed to score a nice 12-year-old Glenmorangie.

Shit That Gets Thrown Out Without EVER Bein' Opened

There's a LOT of stuff that falls in that particular category... including about 20 square miles worth of pulp from various and sundry rain forests on the planet, consisting solely of solicitations to buy supplemental Medicare insurance...  but this leads the parade:

Fucking AARP... they just WON'T leave me alone!  I get at least one of these things a month and they've become Number One With a Bullet on the list of potential targets for my Midnite Firebombing career once I gear up for that lil endeavor.  Why?  Well, the never-ending mailings piss me off but it's mostly because of this:

Though legally non-partisan under IRS rules, AARP has a visible leftward tilt. In the 2008 and 2010 elections, campaign contributors who listed AARP as their employer gave 90 percent of their money to Democratic candidates, according to data from the Center for Responsive Politics. Rand gave the maximum contribution to Obama. The company's top lobbyist, Nancy LeaMond, was a political appointee in the Clinton administration.

AARP is also allied with a staunch Democratic booster -- teachers unions. AARP began as the National Retired Teachers Association and has lobbied against school vouchers, which teachers unions strongly oppose.

These political leanings and AARP's lobbying record (including opposition to tax cuts) have spawned conservative rivals, such as 60 Plus and the American Seniors Association.

It's good to see alternative organizations to AARP emerge and I just might join one of 'em at some time in the future.  I'm in total denial of my advancing age at the moment and just can't see myself as a member of one of those organizations.  It's kinda-sorta a take-off on what Groucho said:  "I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members."  Yeah... what he said.

Full disclosure:  I joined AARP 16 years ago when I received the first of several hundred mailings that begin when you turn 50.  I let my membership lapse after the initial term, mostly at the urging of The Second Mrs. Pennington, who SERIOUSLY resented carrying that card at age 39 (spouses get a card, too).  I'd bet a significant amount o' money that she's a member today, though... her politics and those of the AARP fit hand in glove.  Yeah, that once and former Good Catholic Girl/staunch conservative turned into a moonbat once The Change hit, but let us not digress.

I'm Not Mad, I Always Look Like This

Some day I'm gonna spring for charm school, or sumthin' like it.  You'd think it hurts me to smile, wouldn't ya?  I have my reasons for looking a bit perturbed... all shall be revealed.

So here we are in Barnes & Noble and I AM slightly pissed off, come to think on it.  I arrived at the Mazda store at the appointed time and was the first guy there.  So far, so good.  Then it all began to go downhill from there.  First of all:  no wi-fi.  Well, there IS wif-fi, but it ain't for the payin' customers and only one person in the entire establishment knows the access code and she has the day off.  Say what?  That was me, really, asking the not-so-rhetorical question about the wi-fi.  Yeah, I find the answer hard to believe in this day and age, especially in auto dealerships with service departments that specialize in rape and mayhem to your bank account.

So there was that about the lack of wi-fi.  Then the really bad shit hit the ventilating device, and I'm talking about the violence to be done to my wallet.  I knew goin' in that I was gonna get bent over a barrel when it comes to the price I'll pay to get everything done that needs doin', dealers bein' dealers and all that.  The service department lady sat down with me about a half hour after I checked in and said she "wanted to go over a few things" to make sure I understood what it was gonna cost to have all this stuff done.  I steeled myself for the litany of charges... and they ARE egregious... but she still managed to shock me: 65 Yankee Dollars to replace four spark plugs.  That was too damned much... and I came slightly unglued.  I told her I could buy spark plugs all day at Advance Auto Parts for two and a half dollars each, or less, which comes out to about ten bucks for four, worst case... if I'm doing the math right.  She smiled wistfully and said the cost of the plugs was only 12 dollars, the rest bein' labor, which cost she would graciously waive, given the amount of work I'm having done.  "Thank You" was about all I could manage.  The rest of the bill?  That's measured in the thousands of dollars, plural.

And now you know why I look like I do today.

IHTFP!

So.  Earlier this afternoon we had to get out in the maelstrom and get our Ol' Ass down to Wally-World to buy some mission essential items, like coffee, Dr. Pepper, bread, milk, and so on. I should add beer to that list, as I stupidly refused to go out yesterday (when I should have but didn't because of... wait for it... the wind) to re-stock the fridge.  One cannot buy any sort of alcohol here on Sunday thanks to P-Ville's enlightened electorate who (a) have very high moral standards (ptui!) and (b) want to ensure EVERYONE subscribes to their petty lil moral code.  I could have driven the 26 miles round-trip out to the base to buy beer but... the wind.  Our recent wildfires have made drivin' out that way on a windy day a rather dangerous proposition due to blowin' dust and I'm very damned serious about that.  So we didn't go.  Meh.

There IS beer in the fridge but it's all of the barley wine and adult soda pop variety... all the Good Stuff is gone.  I poured one of those Bigfoot Ales for Happy Hour, drank half of it and threw the rest out.  It just didn't taste good at all and sumthin' about it gave me a rather queasy feelin'.  Thank The Deity At Hand we have an ample supply of Schweppes, Bombay, and limes in El Casa Móvil De Pennington.  We immediately broke out all three and mixed up a couple o' G&Ts whereupon life proceeded to get marginally better, but still not GOOD.

We most certainly have a highly developed case of the ass today.  The post title is an ol' military term I trotted out specifically for this rant and the cure for IHTFP is FIGMO, in case you're wonderin'.  But I ain't likely to be gettin' any orders soon, so I guess we'll just embrace the suck.

Get OFF my frickin' lawn!

Disappointments

Life is full of 'em.  Here's my latest:

I wanted full-grown flamingos, not flamingo CHICKS.  Oh well, I've thrown away one whole helluva lot more money in times past than what I spent here.  There was an upside, though.  My UPS Lady asked me "what did I bring ya today?" as she handed me the box.  "Pink flamingos," sez I, in reply.  You should have seen her expression.  That alone was worth the 20 Yankee Dollars.

Back to the drawing board.

Busy Day

We're recently in from running the day's errands... which included a trip out to the Cannon Airplane Patch pharmacy where we had a not-too-pleasant encounter with a female Staff Sergeant who told me a drug that's been prescribed for me for at least three years and which I have obtained from said gub'mint pharmacy during those three years wasn't EVER stocked by them, said encounter resolved in my favor by her quick rather lengthy perusal of my prescription history (thank The Deity At Hand for databases and patient histories)... and then it was on to The Big(ger) City™, where we had our final eye follow up, made a trip to the Suzuki store to get the lovely Miss Zukiko a new battery, and lastly a drop-in at the Top Shop for to order M'Lady a new bonnet and make arrangements to have The Green Hornet's driver seat repaired.  A full day, as it were.  Weeks will go by where the most exciting thing we do in this life is make the journey to Wally-World and then... bang!... stuff happens.

My eye follow-up was prolly the best of all possible worlds, given that my eyes have stabilized at 20/30 (distance) and we are NOT in need of glasses for distance work.  We still need readers (and I bought a spiffy new pair, which look a lot like those at left), but I can live with that.  We also ordered a pair of high-zoot bifocal sunglasses while we were at the optometrist's, the upper half bein' planos and the lower half readers, for to ensure I can read TGH's gauges and odometer and stuff while motoring on down the road at the usual, customary, and reasonable brisk pace.  I could have saved a boat load o' money if I bought those not-sold-in-stores HIGH DEFINITION sunglasses, but... whatever.  I'm thinkin' my optometrist knows more about sunglasses than those carnival barkers.

So now it's Happy Hour and Game Six of the Eastern Conference finals, which JUST started and already the Yzerbolts scored... 36 seconds into the game.

GO BOLTS!!!

More Ads I Love to Hate

This one takes the proverbial cake... who among us wants to live life without bein' able to see stuff in HIGH DEFINITION?

It's stuff like this that makes me believe there's NO f*cking hope for America.  The models in this commercial demonstrate new highs in acting ability, no?  I just love all the head nods, the quality testimonials, and the clue-free dude cruising along on his mo'sickle without a helmet.  I hope his new-found HD vision keeps his brains in his head if he unloads...

Cue up ZZ Top.

Verizon

Ya know those ads you love to hate?  Well, this ISN'T one of those:

That ad makes me smile, especially the way Lil Susie is dressed.  And the VCs.  Heh.

OK, that one is cool... and it's 180 degrees out of the overplayed and f*cking clue-FREE Verizon hockey-themed ads.  Like this.  And this:  

"Ovechtrick," my ass.  I gotchyer Ovechtrick, Verizon... right here.  Stick to what you know and stay the hell away from hockey, mmm-kay?  Coz these things ain't cute, they're just annoying.

Oh, Just STOP, Already

So I wake up at the crack o' noon, flip on my teevee and see The One's "I Shot the Sheriff Osama" tour is on its second stop, after yesterday's sooper-dooper event at Ground Zero.  Today the tour swings into Ft. Campbell, KY, home of a Special Operations Aviation Regiment and the parent unit of the guys who flew the helos into Abbottabad.  Why here?  Coz The One "wants to thank them personally, along with the members of SEAL Team Six, and Air Force personnel who provided invaluable support."  Yup... there ya go, Barry, bein' all-inclusive.  I'm sure the Coast Guard had a hand in this, too, so what about THEM?  And the Marines?  C'mon, Barry... if you're gonna be inclusive then get all-in, Baybee.

So... there's the usual huge crowd of grunts in BDUs facing a stage with a huge US flag that looks like it came off the set of "Patton," flanked by big-ass 101st Airborne patches... just waiting for The One to come bounding on-stage.  That's the last thing I saw before shutting the teevee down.  I'm just embarrassed to tears for our narcissistic president, who has neither shame nor a sense of perspective.  Just stop, already.

Update, 1330 hrs:  Gentle Reader Bec gives us the link to this in comments:



Heh.  Thanks, Bec.  That's GOOD!

Posted WITH Comment

It's been a while since we've done the Weather Girls, so here's your last Saturday's forecast for tomorrow  (My Bad.  Sorry.):

I said we'd have comment, right?  From the Tube O' You:

Top Comments

Please get rid of the kids. I cant wank to this now.
SCL0PS 6 days ago

Only 7 more days until we lose the freakin' kids !
Shryce 6 days ago

Heh.

Here and There

Heh.  Apropos o' that... Fox News has preempted Red Eye for three days of recycled royal wedding coverage... stuff that ran earlier in their programming day and re-runs to fill space... beginning Tuesday and ending tonight.  As if anyone in these United States gave a Big Rat's Ass, especially at 0300 hrs (ET).  They are VERY close to bein' added to my ever-growing Midnite Firebombing list.

―:☺:―

We spent a few hours in The Big(ger) City™ yesterday, the main purpose bein' yet another follow-up after eye surgery, and I'm happy to report everything is cool. I also took the opportunity to ask Dr. Simnacher's wonderful staff to adjust my reading glasses, which they did.  The large and irritating red spot on the bridge of my nose... not unlike that found on Jupiter... is receding as we speak.  One more word o' praise: I was early for my appointment yesterday... way-early, as in an hour, seein' as how I completed the other errands on my list in less than half the time I allotted for them... so I inquired if the good doctor "could fit me in now?"  "Why, certainly!" was the answer.  I was done and out the door 15 minutes before I was actually supposed to be there as a result and ya gotta love that.

We then traipsed over to Red Lobster and played our Senior Citizen card, sitting down to dinner just after 1600 hrs.  There was a time when I wouldn't have been caught dead in a Red Lobster, but that was when I lived on one or the other coasts... including the Great Lakes coast of Michigan... and wonderful, established, and locally-owned seafood establishments were in abundance (brief aside: and one of the few things I dearly miss about SFO).  That ain't so here in flyover country... so When In Rome...

I was pleased.  I left stuffed to the gills (heh) with a fresh, high-quality salad dressed with excellent balsamic vinaigrette; tasty and succulent lobster tail, shrimp, scallops, rice pilaf, and a baked potato; washed it down with a Sammy Adams Boston Lager; and topped off the whole affair off with a quite good and generous slice o' cheesecake awash in freshly-cut strawberries.

My only complaint?  My over-attentive server, who sat down opposite me in my booth at one point and casually inquired "Whatcha readin'?"  I know the young man was just tryin' to be friendly, but still... there is a bright line where service is concerned.  I want you to be my waiter, not my buddy.  OTOH, if you happen to be a Sweet Young Thang with a bright smile and other physical endowments you can sit down and bother me all ya want.  Double standard?  Sexist?  You bet.

―:☺:―

Your hockey update:  B's in, Flightless Birds out.  I watched all of the Boston game and the last period of the Bolts game (Thanks, Versus.  I hate you.).  Game One of the semi-finals in Vancouver tonight.  Go Preds!

What He Said

 

"He" being the cartoonist, just to be... ahem... perfectly clear.  From the usual source.

Deviating From Our Singleminded Focus On Hockey...

... to post a few minor bitches and complaints.

First:  My new reading glasses are digging a hole in the bridge of my nose and it hurts.  It seems like I'm incapable of tweaking frames to fit painlessly and I don't know why this is.  My optometrist manages to fit my new frames perfectly the first time, every time.  There ain't no optometrist at the reading glasses display in Walgreen's, though.

Second:  It's been nearly a month since I told ya my wash'n'fold service folded (heh). I still haven't mustered what it takes to get my Old Ass down to the laundromat and I'm running out of clean clothes, very rapidly.  To further complicate matters I'm under certain restrictions concerning how much weight I can lift for a couple o' weeks following Eye Surgery, Round Two... no more than ten pounds... and I have about 30 pounds of dirty laundry.  I may be reduced to goin' nekkid for a while.  I apologize for planting that image in yer brain, Gentle Reader.

Third:  THE WIND!  Aiiieee.  Let me up, I've had ENOUGH!

Fourth:  I was saving the best worst for last.  This bitch:

"Which bitch is that, Buck?"  The bitch that does the voice-over in the video.  She's EVERYWHERE these days and has THE most annoying voice imaginable.  I just KNOW she's gonna be the soundtrack in my personal hell if the major religions are right and I'm wrong about the existence of The Hot Place.  OTOH, I may be doomed to come back as one of her kids if the tenets of my religion pan out.  "Fingernails on a chalkboard" ain't half the analogy I'm lookin' for... let's just say this woman's voice makes Sarah Palin sound like Sarah McLachlan.  That's sayin' a LOT, Gentle Reader. 

Jes Practicing...

Lou and I had an exchange about reading glasses in comments to the post immediately below that went sumthin' like this:

Or, you can wear them on your head as an accessory - like me.

I prefer the Eccentric Old Fart look, Lou. You know: glasses perched on the end of the nose so's ya can look over the top of 'em and sneer when ya say "Get OFF my lawn!"

Well, I've been practicing that look.

Needs more work.  Ya think?

Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

Stop, already!

A High Wind Warning remains in effect until 8 PM MDT this evening.

* Location... the east Central Plains... including the Interstate 40 corridor.

* Winds... west winds will gradually shift out of the northwest at 35 to 45 mph with gusts around 60 mph.

* Timing... wind speeds will continue to strengthen through mid day then remain strong through the afternoon. Speeds will then weaken below hazardous levels a few hours after sunset.

* Visibility... blowing dust will drop visibility below 1 mile at times in dust prone locations.

* Local impacts... winds of this magnitude can cause property damage and could down a few trees and power lines. Secure loose objects like lawn furniture. Dangerous Crosswinds will develop on north to south and northeast to southwest oriented roads.

Lately it seems like it's one day out and the next day in, all because of this gotdamned wind!

I suppose I should go outside and secure the chairs before they end up over in Amarillo.  I hate this shit.

No Fly Zone?

There's been much comment and discussion in the press and on my teevee about the US or some sort of multinational force (heh, as if) setting up a No-Fly Zone (NFZ) over Libya to prevent the batshit crazy Qaddafi from murdering his own people.  I saw Secretary Gates' remarks before a congressional committee on the subject and he was pretty lukewarm on the ideer.  This morning I got an e-mail from Michael Dunn, the president of the Air Force Association, on the same subject.  Here are some of Mr. Dunn's salient points: 

The central issue, in my mind, with a no-fly zone (NFZ) is a policy one.  What do you want to do?  It is too facile to say:  Stop aircraft from killing people and destroying things ... as it begs the question of:  “Soooooo, are you OK with ground forces killing people and destroying things?”  If the latter is answered in the negative, then the air piece is only one part of a larger answer.  [I worry this option is being considered just to be seen as “Doing Something.”]

A second, but lesser important question is:  How long do you want to do this.  If the answer is:  We don't know ... but plan for a month or so.  Then we'll need a couple hundred aircraft for 24/7 ops ... and either 3-4 carriers plus land-based support or bases in nearby nations or both.  Italy is the best choice ... and to get its OK, we'll need either a NATO sign off, a UN Security Council Resolution, or just plain leaning on a good friend with a weak government.  Other basing options are a bit unsavory.  Egypt probably won't help ... neither will Tunisia.  Algeria has its own terrorist problems.  Israel won't want to be seen in an active role.  Other African choices are pretty far away with little infrastructure.

[...]

A subset of the first issue -- more in the tactical realm -- is you would want to take out some of the air defenses no matter what systems you use ... and that means killing Libyan troops ... with all the unintended consequences of such actions.  Secondly, what do you do about helicopters?  They are hard to kill ... especially if they know you are coming.  What if they just set down on the top of a building?  You can't get them with an air-to-air missile; you'd need bombs [or as some of our members have pointed out – bullets] ... and that may mean civilian casualties ... especially if you don't hit that which you are aiming.  Also, you don't generally configure fighters for both air-to-air missions and air-to-ground ones at the same time.  Thus the need for more aircraft.

[...]

Finally, the Navy is not configured for round the clock operations, except in a short-term surge mode and has to keep a bit of its airpower to defend the fleet. This means less for NFZ ops.  The good news is that you would not have to establish a NFZ over the entire country -- probably just the major cities and perhaps a few key air bases.

Bottom line:  creating a NFZ over the country is “do-able” – but not simple  … and I would want to get the policy pieces answered before we embarked on this option.

All of that essentially mirrors what Secretary Gates said to Congress yesterday.  Military operations are expensive propositions, not to mention the wear and tear on our already stressed military.  I appreciate the humanitarian concerns people have on this issue but we MUST consider the effect the operation would have on the United States.  That should be first and foremost... we don't have to be "Team America, World Police" any longer.  

Broadening Our Horizons and In the Mail

First... the broadening bits, which would be a Sammy Adams Revolutionary Rye Ale.  About which one of the Alström Bros has this to say:

Reddish brown, a bit hazy with a creamy tiny bubbled head on top. Hint of spicy bready rye with cooked oranges in the nose. Very smooth and creamy, that trademark oily feeling and slick thicker body is there as with most beers from Boston Beer Co. Oily hop, faint alcoholic esters, sweet maltiness with a spicy kick from the rye and hops. Orangey herbal hop flavor is pretty substantial but the toasted grain and rye are still able to break through.

Mr. A only gives the beer a C+ and given the rest of his comments (not quoted here) I'm thinkin' that he might have sumthin' against the Boston Beer Co. in general.  As for me?  The beer has much more hoppiness than I like but it's generally pretty pleasant.  I'd buy it again.  Mebbe some day I'll develop a palate sophisticated enough to write beer reviews, but I kinda doubt it.  I mean if it hasn't happened yet...

The yellow and black card is part of what was in today's snail mail, addressed to "resident," of course.  I find "resident" two clicks more friendly than "occupant," for what that's worth.  But as far as "life's three most basic questions?"  Dang... those are easy!  In order:

(1)  The SFO Bay Area.  Wally-World if you're talkin' immediately.
(2)  For the beer, dummy.  Why are YOU here?
(3)  "To hell if I don't change my ways."  That's what Mom always said when I asked her that question.

See?  Easy.  Mebbe I should look into this seminar gig.  I smell easy money if those are the kinda things people really wanna know.  Financial planning is the hard stuff.

Don't You WISH...

Today's Get Off My Lawn moment, courtesy of the usual source.   I seem to be overwrought with cynicism today, as every-gotdamned-thing is pissing me off.  Well, not every thing... Moogie put up a feel good post today and that sorta saved me, but only for the briefest of moments and then it was back on my head.  I think it's the weather.

Presidents Day? Bah. Humbug.

Depiction by John Trumbull of Washington resigning his commission as commander-in-chief (Wikipedia)

I liked the holiday better when it was Washington's Birthday, which was actually celebrated on... Washington's Birthday!  How weird is that?  I find it obnoxious and irritating Congress bundled such luminaries as Ulysses Grant, Warren G. Harding, and Jimmy Carter... who should be "celebrated" only for their mediocrity and general uselessness... in to a holiday that formerly honored the Father of Our Country.  And the worst part?  Used car salesmen shouting at me to "come on down to Ralph Spoilsport Motors for our PRESIDENTS DAY SALE!"  From The Wiki:

Today, the February holiday has become well-known for being a day in which many stores, especially car dealers, hold sales. Until the late 1980s, corporate businesses generally closed on this day, similar to present corporate practices on Memorial Day or Christmas Day. With the late 1980s advertising push to rename the holiday, more and more businesses are staying open on the holiday each year, and, as on Veterans Day and Columbus Day, most delivery services outside of the U.S. Postal Service now offer regular service on the day as well. Some public transit systems have also gone to regular schedules on the day. Many colleges and universities hold regular classes and operations on Presidents Day. Various theories exist for this, one accepted reason being to make up for the growing trend of corporations to close in observance of the Birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. However, when reviewing the Uniform Monday Holiday Bill debate of 1968 in the Congressional Record, one notes that supporters of the Bill were intent on moving federal holidays to Mondays to promote business. Over time, as with many federal holidays, few Americans actually celebrate Washington's Birthday, and it is mainly known as a day off from work or school, although many non-governmental workers do not take the day off.

Sigh.  OK.  It's yet another case of "Get off my fuckin' lawn!", admittedly.  But doesn't it irritate you too, Gentle Reader?

Related:  Which president was best?  Worst?  Here's what The Wiki has on that.

The Latest Candidate For a Visit From the Midnite Firebomber

My list just keeps gettin' longer and longer and here's yet ANOTHER candidate, with an ad I love to hate.  I'd sooner gouge my eyes out than join The Ladders, just because of the association with Teh Stoopid.  And Teh Ghey, which the ad most certainly IS.

OTOH, I find the Asian chick kinda hot in a bizarre sorta way.  Call me, Darlin'... I just might have a position for ya.  It doesn't pay $100K, but it's a fun place to work.  We knock off early for Happy Hour every day and you look like a gal who enjoys her beer.